We can experience a range of emotions following the loss of someone significant. Sadness, shock, disbelief, denial, anger, blaming yourself, blaming others, anxiety, regret - these are all part of the grief experience. Those grieving may worry about future losses or be preoccupied with the deceased or with dying. Changes in sleep, appetite, and crying are all common in grief.

How grief is experienced is influenced factors including:
• The nature of relationship to, and strength of attachment with, the deceased.
• How the deceased passed away (e.g. sudden versus terminal illness)
• Whether you grieved past losses or whether you are re-experiencing grief
• Personality, specifically how you deal with feelings, stressful situations, and loss
• Social and cultural influences that dictate what is 'appropriate' grieving. For example, that people often do not discuss loss from miscarriage and stillbirths may inhibit parents from grieving appropriately.
• Other stressors in your life

When you are stuck in grief
There is no 'correct' way to grieve and there is no set 'timetable' that the grief process follows. However, as part of grieving, it is important to accept the loss, to experience the pain of grief, to adapt to a life without the deceased, and to be able to continue on with life while establishing a relationship with memories the deceased.

Some signs that we have become stuck in grief include experiencing intense grief when speaking about the deceased, not being able to let go of physical possessions of the deceased, continued thoughts about losses in life, and intense and disproportionate grief around important dates and anniversaries.

Reference:
Worden, J.W. (2003). Grief counselling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (3rd edition). Routledge.

Websites and Useful Information

Reach Out!
Contains useful information on coping with loss, practical issues following death, helping someone who has experienced loss, how to manage anniversaries and special occasions, dealing with the suicide of a close one, and supporting someone with a life threatening illness.

GriefLink
This website provides information about grief, about coping with grief, how to help someone who is bereaved, and points you to useful resources. It also contains topics exploring specific categories such as loss relationships (e.g. child, partner, spouse, same-sex partner, pet), causes of death (e.g. suicide, homicide, miscarriage, illness), and grief in particular populations (e.g. indigenous grief, war veterans, children).

Helpguide.org
Discusses the impact of grief, how to cope with grief and loss, as well as when prolonged grief can tip over into depression.

Lifeline
Toolkit for coping with sorrow, loss, and grief. It includes information for family and friends.

 

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